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[ Respect isn't the first word that would have come to her mind, but he is being honest, so maybe he's right. ]

. . . If you have regrets, then stop.

Even if it is not the killing, you still feel regret when it comes to your Creator and those close to you. It's not too late.

So hold onto that, and stop.

I have stopped since coming here. I haven't killed a single one of our neighbors, I assure you, though I can understand if you don't trust me.

[He gives a small smile.]

But regardless once I'm forced to wake from this dream world we're in, I'll be going back to Hell to serve the rest of my sentence. [A little shrug.] Eternal damnation isn't a sentence that can be appealed with good behavior, I'm afraid.

Edited 2022-05-10 01:29 (UTC)

[ Give him the "not as big a jerk as you could have been (in Songerein)" award. No, Alastor is right, she certainly won't trust him, but she doesn't have to, to want to know more.

She asks the question that she'd been too afraid to ask Kazuma. ]

How many monsters did you take with you? [ Before he died. How many? ]

[Look, he's a huge jerk. He's a massive narcissist and he won't deny it.]

...More than enough to earn my place in Hell.

[He's not sure an exact number would make her feel better or more terrified. And, honestly, he doesn't want to completely lose what little camaraderie they'd had before. He's selfish like that.]

[Plus all the people he'd slaughtered in Hell...]

[ His refusal to answer might make her unease a little worse. That lets her imagine fill in the blank with whatever number she'd like. 4? 7? 108?

But maybe she doesn't actually need to know. ]

And then what? What happens to those who are slaughtered there? It doesn't stop. It is just a cycle of misery. [ Hence: Hell. Though it hits her a moment too late before she can say it. ]

If you mean those who are slaughtered in Hell, well, unless you take certain precautions, they regenerate. Could take a few days, a few weeks, or even months depending on how they "died" in Hell. The only way to permanently kill a Sinner in Hell is via angelic magic or weaponry.

And when killed that way, well, we go to the void. And what happens there, no one knows.

[He chuckles.]

It's Hell, my dear. It's the ultimate prison for those who commit heinous acts. It's supposed to be a "cycle of misery". I knew exactly what was waiting for me when I killed that first time: It only takes one mistake to damn someone for eternity.

[Which was why he'd chosen to just keep killing, targeting those like him: He was already damned, so why not?]

[ She feels as empty as a void. So much of what he's saying feels beyond her: angelic magic? Weaponry? But in the end, she does shake her head with surprising conviction. ]

That may be Hell as everyone understands it, but I simply can't accept that. That the world can be so unforgiving... That isn't justice.

That cycle of misery changes nothing, certainly nothing about you or the others you've targeted. Perhaps that is why you are here, in this world of dreams. It sounds like it has already changed you.

That might be the ways of your world, my dear, but not mine.

[He gives a polite, mirthless chuckle.]

All this place has done is give me an incentive not to indulge in my bad habits. But sooner or later I'll be forced to wake up and, as I said before, I'll be back in Hell.

Perhaps this idyllic little world will prove to be a new form of punishment. My old ones were starting to get a bit dull and tedious, after all!

[ She wonders if that incentive refers to something specific that she doesn't know about yet, but before she can ask, another word sticks out to her more.

(Also the distant thought that she may never want to wake up. But that's terrible and selfish and she pushes that to the back of her mind. ]

Does it... feel like punishment? [ Being here? Getting to enjoy flowers? A festival? Free rent? ]

Oh no! Not at all! I quite enjoy this place and the lovely people in it!

However, I used to know someone who returned home and later came back before leaving for good. He said that this world was like the memory of a dream, not quite real.

[He looks to the flowers, musing for a moment.] Which do you believe to be the worse nightmare, Miss Susato: the awful torments one's subconscious can conjure but waking to a world that might not be perfect but at least you can be content with...or the pleasant dream of a pleasant little town with good and interesting neighbors that ends with you waking in a world that is designed to do nothing but torture you for all eternity?

[Because in Alastor's mind, the latter is far, far crueler. A false hope, a fleeting happiness. When he'd first arrived in Hell, after his bloody debut, he'd dreamt of home only to wake up to eternal torment.]

[His sleep schedule became far, far more infrequent after that.]

[ "Not quite real." Susato winces, knowing that he isn't wrong. Despite the horrors she has seen though, it feels like this world has given her so much. She refuses to believe that it will all mean nothing, like he seems to implying, though it also helps that she knows she won't be waking up in Hell. ]

You've already made up your mind about which is worse.

[ Even if Susato did disagree, she wasn't about to change his mind now, no matter how she answered. ]

I understand your point, but I can't live like that. Like dreams don't matter. They do. [ Dandelions pop into her hands like the weeds they are, though it's happened frequently enough that it doesn't shock her anymore. Among the yellow blooms lie their seeds, though they are already drifting away like dust. ] The fact that they end someday, that we may forget, makes it all the more important to hold onto what we have.

Maybe I could yet be convinced.

[He turns to grin at her.]

So, Miss Judicial Assistant, present your argument!

[He's trying to cover his real emotions back up. Such moments of weakness are pathetic. Unbecoming a demon such as himself.]

[ She looks shocked for a moment. In some cases, she still introduced herself as such, but in reality, she hasn't been a judicial assistant in months. Then she looks rather nostalgic as she forces a very light laugh.

She does miss the courtroom. ]

I would need evidence for that, and I'm afraid my feelings don't count. All I can say is that your friend leaving is but one version of events. Even if the tapir agree... Even if there are a thousand more who say the same, it could be the 1001st that is different.

Maybe you will be the first to remember this place, and all the bonds you've made. Maybe you don't think you deserve to remember, or... perhaps it would just be easier for you if you didn't.

["Maybe you don't think you deserve to remember". Was she acknowledging that he'd accepted his punishments? Or something else?]

[Regardless, his ear flicks with uncertainty.]

I'm not sure if remembering would be better or worse.

. . . . . .

[ Is she waiting for him to decide that for himself? Perhaps. In the meantime, she's had quite enough of the serious philosophical talk, and she is definitely eying his ears again as they twitch.

This time she finally reaches up to try to touch them, or at least just one. It looks like she's pointing at it as she draws closer with her hand to poke it. ]

[He's so distracted by his own thoughts chasing their tails that he's not paying attention to what she's doing. A gross mistake in Hell that could've gotten him erased.]

[Here? Well, he's about to get rather embarrassed.]

[Susato manages to succeed at touching his ears, causing him to momentarily freeze like...well...a deer in headlights. She'll find that his ears are sinfully soft, her finger brushing the base of one ear due to the height difference.]

[All rational thought promptly empties out of his head as pleasure rolls down and back up his spine. His eyes drift closed as every muscle begins to relax, him subconsciously leaning his head forward to give her better access. His ambient static hums softly with pleasure. He's visibly melting at her touch.]

[ She's hesitant at first, so it's lucky, perhaps, that he hadn't been paying attention. It's hard to stop once started, feeling the soft fur that seems fluffy like a cloud, and she'll definitely take it as an invitation, given that he's only making it easier.

Hell's Radio Demon and murderer, everyone. ]

They twitch when you are in deep thought. [ Did he know that? ]

[His voice is drowsy as he answers.] Among other things.

[Honestly, every muscle in his body is relaxing. At this rate, she's going to find him draped all over her, assuming he couldn't just go boneless and drop his head into her lap. He hasn't relaxed like this in...well...it must've been a few decades. Letting someone get close enough to scratch his ears already put him in a highly-vulnerable position.]

[Susato more or less had the most dangerous Sinner in Hell at her mercy right now.]

. . . Oh! [ Alastor probably doesn't notice the way he tips over into her. Susato reflexively takes a step back, but in the end, she can't just let him fall. She stops playing with his ears, but only to free up her arms so that she can catch him. ]

That was close. Are you part cat demon, perhaps?

[ Yes, she is teasing the most dangerous Sinner in Hell. ]

[The end of the ear scratches allows his brain to start coming up from the relaxed soup it had dissolved into. He blinks in confusion before straightening up and giving his head a shake.]

No, I'm afraid that's dear Husker, not me! Ha ha!

Terribly sorry, my dear! That was rather unbecoming of a gentleman!

[ Cute is what it was, but maybe she'd rather not admit it so soon after learning his terrible secret. Lips twitch as her hand lowers, taking in every detail so that she might have a way to imprint it onto paper later. ]

Who's Husker?

And don't just say a cat demon.

A friend of mine back in Hell! His personality is a bit of an acquired taste but he's loads of fun to be around! Much more of a gambling man than I and he can drink liquor like it was water!

[Y'know. Top BFF material.]

Ah, we've had so many good times together!

[ Aaaand the cuteness somehow... continues. Maybe it's just the nostalgic grin on his face. ]

You're a bit of an acquired taste yourself.

[ ...And, fun to be around. Maybe. Speaking in her best "food critic" voice: ]

I suppose it's not bad... For a former murderous Hell demon. [ Maybe that emphasis is just to make her feel better. ]

Ha! I do believe that's the nicest way anyone's ever described my personality!

[He folds his hands behind his back.]

I do like to believe I have some measure of self-control, my dear. Or at least can channel my darker impulses into something you and our neighbors find more acceptable.

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